OKLAHOMA GAZETTE
Volume XXXII No 23, June 9,2010
WHERE YOU'RE AT MATTERS, AT LEAST WHEN IT COMES TO BIRTH ORDER
by Malena Lott
 Ah, sibling rivalry. While parents may get the blame for our crappy childhoods, it’s the family dynamics and how the child views himself or herself within the family constellation that shapes our behavior and our interests in life and careers.
Dr. Stewart Beasley, a counseling psychologist in Edmond, explains that it begins with the couple and also depends on how the family changes as each child is added to the mix. The stereotypes in birth order persist, and Beasley said most people can relate to the traits within their own families, although there are exceptions and many variables to consider.
While some believe giving credence to birth order is pop psychology, Frederick T.L. Leong, co-author of a birth-order career study while at Ohio State University and now a professor of psychology at Michigan State University, says where we fall in our family does affect our personalities and what interests we pursue. Science seems to be taking it more seriously these days.
Leong’s study found that firstborns and only children tended to have more academic pursuits and prestigious careers while “later-borns” were more open to artistic endeavors. He says parents become more open and relaxed with each child they have, so that by the time a later-born comes along, if that child wanted to be a poet instead of a doctor, they’d be OK with that.
And how do Oklahoma’s rich and famous stack up in all this?
Only child
The single child, also called “super firsts,” are raised like miniature adults, according to Beasley. “They relate well to other adults and can carry on meaningful discussions with other adults, but may have difficulty with other kids,” he said.
Known to be more self-centered, but also self-sustaining, only children are used to being by themselves and entertaining themselves.
An example of an high-achieving only child? Oklahoma billionaire T. Boone Pickens fits the bill. Author of “The First Billion Is the Hardest,” Pickens credits his upbringing and strong work ethic in his family to his success.
In 1928, Pickens’ father was told by the doctor that complications had arisen, and that only the mother or the child could be saved. His father refused to accept it and insisted the doctor do a cesarean birth, which had never been done before in the Holdenville hospital where Pickens was born. The C-section was successful and saved their lives, and that “never give up” mentality has followed the only child throughout his life.
Former Sooner quarterback Sam Bradford, who won the Heisman Trophy in 2008 and became the No. 1 NFL draft pick this year, is also an only child. His reputation for being “mature” and a “born leader,” is a common characteristic of a lot of single children.
“The first born is the X model, experimental model, the child that the parents learn on,” said Beasley. Firstborns are naturally “only children” until the sibling comes along, so they do share some traits with the only child.
“If firstborn is male, he is seen as the chosen one,” Beasley said. “Parents read the parenting books and take more pictures of the firstborn, putting a lot into that child.”
However, he notes that “if the firstborn is female, she is high-achieving until a boy is born, and all of a sudden, he becomes a firstborn and she relinquishes the role.”
Like only children, firstborns are overachievers, often reading parents’ minds and giving them what they want. The firstborns are usually the ones that end up taking care of siblings and parents in older age, especially if the firstborn is a female.
Beasley notes that firstborns like leadership positions in corporations or on the political stage and make good professionals, doctors and attorneys. A study by Vistage, an international group for corporate heads, found that 43 percent of their CEOs were firstborns.
Careerbuilder.com conducted a survey that found that firstborns were much more likely to earn $100,000 or more annually than their siblings.
No big surprise, then, that our own governor, Brad Henry, is a firstborn, as is former U.S. senator and the president of the University of Oklahoma, David Boren.
Middle children are a puzzle, both to researchers, and often to themselves. If there are three children, approximately evenly spaced, then the middle child is both the younger to one and the older to another, and may get picked on by both sides. In self-esteem studies, middle-borns score lower than first- and later-borns.
On the upside, middle-borns are likely to zig when the sibs zag, also known as de-identifying, which could lead to riskier and sometimes more rewarding endeavors, whether personally or professionally. Middle and later-borns are more likely to play sports, risking injury for glory.
You don’t have to say that twice to the Stoops boys. Oklahoma Sooner football coach Bob Stoops comes from a big family, and is the second oldest of four sons, but also has two sisters. He and two of his brothers are football coaches, and being competitive is a common trait among siblings in big families as they each vie for resources.
Beasley notes that middle-borns are good team players and negotiators, so while they may not crave leadership positions, they may approach things differently when they do.
Country singer Toby Keith is a middle-born, although as the oldest son, he carries firstborn traits, too.
Leading birth-order researcher Frank Sulloway says last-borns are even more agreeable and open to new adventures. Beasley adds that by the time the “baby” comes along, the parents have relaxed rules, and as the child grows and the parent realizes this is the “last one,” the child gets more attention, more photos in the scrapbook and special treatment.
The last-borns love adventure and fun, and may come across as more charismatic than their older, more serious siblings. Many comedians, such as Stephen Colbert, who is the last of 11 children, use humor as a signature trait.
As for later-borns being more artistic, Oklahoma is rife with superstars to back it up. Carrie Underwood, who recently became the only woman to ever win the Academy of Country Music Entertainer of the Year twice in a row, is the third of three girls.
Country music legend Garth Brooks? Yep. Youngest of six.
The Flaming Lips’ lead singer, Wayne Coyne? Fifth in a line of six.
Oklahoma legend Will Rogers, who knew a thing or two about being in the spotlight in many arenas, happened to be the last of eight children.With that many siblings, you’d have plenty of material to write or sing about.
Thunder basketball star Kevin Durant is the second (and last-born) of two boys, who finds himself in the company of Chesapeake founder Aubrey McClendon, one of the Thunder’s owners and the youngest of two boys.
Adopted children take on the roles of their functional order, not biological order, so even if a child was biologically the third born, if they were the first child adopted, their birth order would be considered firstborn, because of how their parents would raise them.
Emmy- and Tony-winning actress and singer Kristin Chenoweth is adopted and has an older brother, making her the “last-born,” as well as an only girl.
What of stepchildren and blended families? Beasley states that if the clans are truly blended, such as in “The Brady Bunch” scenario, then that would change the birth-order dynamics. However, most of the time, the blended families are not being fully raised together, due to visitation schedules, so it would only apply to the birth order of the siblings they live with most of the time.
He cautions that spacing matters, as well as the gender of the siblings. The only girl of three children would be treated differently than the middle child of three girls. Parents, and the kids themselves, may work harder to create niches of same-sex siblings, putting labels on the children: the athlete, the singer, the actor and so on. Labels can backfire, especially if the child no longer likes the label or wants to switch to a new pursuit.
Regarding spacing, if the children are spaced more than five years apart, the younger child gets the traits of a firstborn, and the youngest of the oldest set of kids may keep many of the last-born traits. This happens often when a parent remarries and has more children.
William Cane, author of “The Birth Order Book of Love,” claims knowing your partner’s birth order can help in making a positive love match, and potentially avoiding trouble down the road. The tested theory claims that people are less likely to have a lasting relationship with someone who shares the same birth order, and in fact, in looking at one study of divorces, this seemed to be the case. For example, firstborns didn’t like being bossed around by their firstborn spouses.
Cane said that good matches are often the roles we are familiar with growing up, so if you are the youngest and had an older sister, then someone who was an older sister and had younger brothers would get along well.
While personality and predicaments are determined by family size, demographics and even geography, birth order plays a role that shouldn’t be ignored. Beasley advises parents can be aware of how they are treating their children and give them all the attention and respect they deserve, no matter when they arrived. —Malena Lott
MetroFamily Magazine - February 2009
Arts and Education for Young Students
Dear Drs. Beasley:
We recently attended open house at our children’s school which emphasizes fine arts. There are reproductions of famous artwork in the classroom and throughout the school. They discuss works of art, listen to a variety of music, and read literature I didn’t read until high school. Isn’t this rushing our kids? We are concerned about whether this is appropriate for young children, or is this a legitimate curriculum?
Tina and Zac
Dr. Lori:
You know, sometimes as parents we become so involved indeveloping our children’s appreciation of academics and athletics, that we overlook the third “A”: Arts. Recently, the DaVinci Institute and the Kirkpatrick Foundation conducted a joint research project that resulted in the initiation of Oklahoma A+ Schools, a whole-school reform model. The model maintains that integration of the arts in our schools’ curriculum plays a central role in how children learn. The belief is that an educated child is not only familiar with academics, but also with music, drama, sculpting, photography, and other forms of fine art.
Dr. Stewart:
Oklahoma’s colleges and universities are helping developcompetent teachers in the fine arts curriculum through ongoing professional development. Well-prepared teachers spark creativity and enthusiasm in our children. They create a learning atmosphere that motivates. It sounds to us as if you saw that in your children’s classrooms. There are long term benefits, also. We know, for instance, that experiencing the arts in a creative environment at a young age will more likely lead to a greater appreciation of the arts throughout life. That’s quite a benefit!
Dr. Lori:
Creativity is also linked to intellectual development in children. Problem solving, imagination, collaboration, and intuition are considered strong characteristics of creative thinking and success in children. Young children are particularly creative because they view the world in fresh and unconstrained ways. Somehow, we lose that creativity as we grow older. The A+ Schools curriculum is designed to make creativity and freshness of thought a way of life.
Dr. Stewart:
Creative thinkers generate lots of ideas. They expand their thinkingand through brainstorming, can find more solutions when faced with a problem. You can see how thinking out of the box is an asset to solving playground disputes and someday, business disputes.
Dr. Lori:
Supporting classrooms as well as community programs that exposechildren to the arts or support art and creativity in schools is important to a well-rounded, innovative citizen. We hope you will continue to revel in your child’s learning in your community school and support their creations both at school and at home. It sounds to us as if your children are fortunate to be in the classrooms where they are.
Lori Beasley, EdD is Asst. Vice President of Academic Affairs and Professor of FamilyLife Education at the University of Central Oklahoma. Stewart R. Beasley, PhD is a licensed psychologist who practices in Edmond and Oklahoma City and is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at the University of Oklahoma College of Medicine. Do you have a question about early childhood issues for the Beasleys? E-mail it to SRB@DRStewartBeasley.com.
Posted on Friday, February 13, 2009
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